Heartbreak High season three has dropped to momentous reception, and our favourite Hartley High-ers are officially graduating into the real world.
With the non-stop flurry of astrological action that has seized our April (Hello, devil's comet?), we've decided to pause our binge-watch of the new episodes, and bury our noses into the horoscopes of the graduating class. Find out why Quinni is every inch the picture-perfect Libra, why Darren makes a maddening case for all the Aquariuses in our life we love (and love to hate), and Amerie's maddening Virgo tendencies, below.
Amerie: Virgo
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Oh, Amerie. Strait-laced, with a penchant for control, and gutsy enough to execute a vision (after watching certain scenes of season three, this is truer than ever). There's a reason why Virgos comprise a large portion of serial killers - and this is not to say our girl is one. But we wouldn't be surprised... this Hartley Highschooler isn't afraid to take a few swings when things don't go according to her plan.
Quinni: Libra
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There's a reason so many of us have a soft spot for Quinni, and we think it's to do with her bubbly air sign tendencies. Libras, ever the cordial diplomats, are careful not to tread on others' toes - or to get too caught up in the humdrum drama and foibles of high school tea. She loves frogs as much as we love her.
Harper: Scorpio
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Scorpios love to flirt with the occult. A Halloween baby through and through, Harper is prickly, tough, and a self-assured force of rebellious good. With a cynical edge and an innately intuitive outlook on life, these watery scorps often get mistaken as a fire sign. But don't be fooled: scorpios are calculating, sensual, and unafraid to glide through life.
Spider: Leo
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Every school needs a resident jock. And what jock isn't typified by the exuberant sign of the Leo? Outgoing, dynamic, with a look-at-me disposition, Spider is as brash and insensitive as they come. But like all Leos, he harbours a soft spot under the trappings of a bruised ego... a side we certainly see a lot more of in season three.
Darren: Aquarius
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Darren is as avoidant as they come. Watch him get chewed out by Nan for being a nonce, taking off when commitment comes knocking, and giving up on acting (almost) when he gets constructive criticism, all in typical Aquarius fashion. We love to hate, but hate to see an Aquarius go.
Sasha: Aries
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Nobody messes with Sasha. She's gun-slinging, crashing onto the scene and willing to go to war for any of her beliefs. Sounds just like an Aries. I don't know anyone more self-righteous and indignant than a sign ruled by Mars, so our Hartley vegan must be a Ram.
Malakai: Cancer
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"Thanks for loving me even when I fucked up." And then we were bereft. Our fellow Cancerian is as emotionally sensitive as they come, with a metric tonne of sweetness lurking within that crabby disposition. Malakai is also a community-first type of jock. He's one of the meatheads with a heart.
Missy: Capricorn
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Missy is the goat in every sense. Capricorns are famously levelheaded, with a business acumen and ambition in spades. They are also hyper-aware of things as fickle as social milieu and fancies. When Missy befriends Malakai, she does so with a knowing eye that he might have been struggling with feelings of alienation and displacement.
Ant: Taurus
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Our very own Bull. Nary a word was uttered from his mouth in season one, with season two taking a turn for better when he confesses of his feelings towards Harper. Taurians are selective with the energy they expend and the people they bring into their fold. We see glimmers of what Ant might be coming towards within himself, but as all bulls do, he seldom imparts much of himself at will.
Dusty: Pisces
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There's an old wive's tale: Never trust a Pisces man. Here's all the Dusty reasons why: he plays in an indie boy band, and has cavorted with half the school, irrespective of who or how they present. He'll give you emotionally whip-lash, but fringed by his good looks and wile it's hard to separate yourselves from reason. Pisces, as slippery as fish.
Ca$h: Gemini
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Ca$h is a man of very few words, and Gemini is a notoriously good communicator, but hear us out. When it comes down to it, Ca$h is able to say how he feels — and stick to his word, whether that be giving up the eshay way of life, communicating with Darren, or letting his friends know when he thinks they've crossed a line (and believe us, in season three, it happens).
Taz: Sagittarius
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A new addition to season three, Taz definitely doesn't waste time making a name for herself at Hartley. Whether she's scheming to rent the sensory room out, or just generally wreaking havoc in some way or another, she has all the classic adventurous, fiercely independent traits of a typical Sag.
