Culture / TV

The stars have aligned: Here is the star sign of every heartbreaker on ‘Heartbreak High’

Heartbreak High season 2 has dropped to momentous reception, and we've been following each and every step of the way. Not familiar with our game? Check out our fashion repo (and bulletproof defence) of the inimitable fashion its delivered this season.

With the non-stop flurry of astrological action that has seized our April (Hello, devil's comet?), we've decided to hunker down and to dispense our horoscope one-stop shop of all our favourite faces in this new term. Find out why Quinni is every inch the picture-perfect Libra, why Darren makes a maddening case for all the Aquariuses in our life we love (and love to hate), and whether these self-assigned zodiac signs are on the nose or far off.


Amerie: Virgo


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Oh, Amerie. Strait-laced, with a penchant for control, and gutsy enough to execute a vision (of getting laid at school). She's the talk of the town, but baulks at the flare-up of bad press. There's a reason why Virgos comprise a large portion of serial killers - and this is not to say our girl is one. But we wouldn't be surprised - the head girl of Hartley High wouldn't be closed to taking a few swings if things don't go according to her plan.


Quinni: Libra


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There's a reason Quinni reserves a soft spot in many hearts, and we think it has to do with her bubbly placidity as an air sign. Libras, ever the cordial diplomats, are careful not to tread on others' toes - or to get too caught up in the humdrum drama and foibles of high school tea. She loves frogs as much as we love her.


Harper: Scorpio


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Scorpios love to flirt with the occult. A Halloween baby through and through, Harper is a prickly-tough, self-assured force of rebellious good. With a cynical edge and an innately intuitive outlook on life, these watery scorps often get mistaken as a fire sign. But don't be fooled: scorpios are calculating, sensual, and unafraid to glide through life.


Spider: Leo


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Every school needs a resident jock. And what jock isn't typified by the exuberant sign of the Leo? Outgoing, dynamic, with a Look-at-me disposition, Spider is as brash and insensitive as they come. But like all Leos, he harbours a soft spot under the trappings of a bruised ego. Amerie, eat your heart out.


Darren: Aquarius

Darren is as avoidant as they come. Watch him get chewed out by Nan for being a nonce and taking off when commitment comes knocking, in typical Aquarius fashion. We love to hate, but hate to see an Aquarius go.


Sasha: Aries


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Nobody messes with Sasha. She's gun-slinging, crashing onto the scene and willing to go to war for any of her beliefs. Sounds just like an Aries. I don't know anyone more self-righteous and indignant than a sign ruled by Mars, and our Hartley vegan must be a Ram herself.


Malakai: Cancer

"Thanks for loving me even when I fucked up." And then we were bereft. Our fellow Cancerian is as emotionally sensitive as they come, with a metric tonne of sweetness lurking within that crabby disposition. Malakai is also a community-first type of jock. He's one of the meatheads with a heart.


Missy: Capricorn


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Missy, the goat in every sense. Caps are famously levelheaded, with a business acumen and enough ambition in spades. They are also hyper-aware of things as fickle as social milieu and fancies. When Missy befriends Malakai, she does so with a knowing eye that he might have been struggling with feelings of alienation and displacement. She is a protective friend and an even better logician in the field of love and war.

Ant: Taurus


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Our lucrative Bull. Nary a word was uttered from his mouth in Season 1, with Season 2 taking a turn for better when he confesses of his feelings towards Harper. Taurians are selective with the energy they cultivate and the people they bring into the fold. We see glimmers of what Ant might be coming towards within himself, but as all bulls do, they seldom impart much of themselves at will.

Dusty: Pisces

There's an old wive's tale: Never trust a Pisces man. Here's all the Dusty reasons why: he plays in an indie boy band, and has cavorted with half the school, irrespective of who or how they present. He'll give you emotionally whip-lash, but fringed by his good looks and wile it's hard to separate yourselves from reason. Pisces, as slippery as fish.


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