Scar Tissue is one of those celebrity memoirs that even the least bookish have read. It's the kind of thing your curious aunt would have picked up in the airport bookshop and your younger brother would have laying around under dirty socks and underwear. Well anyway, the tell-all 2004 memoir, which details Red Hot Chili Peppers frontman Anthony Kiedis' early life, is being made into a movie.
We have lots of questions. Mostly, we would like to know if this is Will Ferrell's chance to finally play Chad Smith. With a resemblance that uncanny it would be a crime not to (although we suspect Universal will be hunting down for a younger cast). But this has also opened the floodgates for us to consider other memoirs we'd like made into movies, thank you very much. So without further ado, here's our list of celebrity memoirs we think should become biopic adaptations.
Just Kids, Patti Smith
So, if we're talking music memoirs, we'll trade you Scar Tissue for Just Kids, please. Both biopics deserve to exist of course, but this also our petition to see Patti Smith and Robert Mapplethorpe's New York shenanigans on screen.
Down the Drain, Julia Fox
You thought Scar Tissue was wild? Wait until you hear about Julia Fox getting slapped across the face in front of a dead pope. Or that time she ordered 200 hissing cockroaches from Madagascar to take revenge against her abusive ex boyfriend. Or, or, or. There's too many details to recount here from the actor's memoir, which is deserving of the "masterpiece" title. So, a masterpiece movie, how about it?
Hunger, Roxane Gay
Roxane Gay's explicit and unflinching memoir about her relationship to her body – its mutiny, its solace – deserves a concrete place on screen. Gay carries us through an unspeakable act of violence and the aftershocks it had on her self-image, her relationship to desire, and intimacy. We'd love to see Danielle Brooks or Da'Vine Joy Randolph in the lead role.
Girl In A Band, Kim Gordon
Kim Gordon transfers from the west coast of Kiedis' story to New York City, where she meets her bandmate and ex-husband Thurston Moore, along with a rotation of familiar faces like Courtney Love, Kathleen Hanna and Kurt Cobain. Our pick for the lead role? Suki Waterhouse or Mia Wasikowska. Even Gordon's daughter Coco.
Kitchen Confidential, Anthony Bourdain
Ok hear me out. I know there's already been an adaptation of Kitchen Confidential, but it was terrible and I want a redo (Bradley Cooper should steer clear of the chef roles). We need justice for this Anthony too, and his memoir about coming into cooking. I'm thinking Pete Davidson. Someone a little rough around the edges but with heaping spoons of charisma. They'll need it for scenes like that job interview at the steakhouse.
The Vanity Fair Diaries, Tina Brown
Picture this. Elizabeth Debicki reprises her role of Lady Dia– I mean, Tina Brown (they are double ringers for each other, right?) and fully immerses herself in the glittering, prosperous world of New York publishing in the 80s as Vanity Fair's newly crowned editor in chief. Because, if we can't, someone else should at least relive it.