Last night, my smart watch beeped at me, reminding me to take a moment of mindfulness. It prompted me to do a breathing exercise. I was in the middle of assembling my made-from-scratch, fibre-rich lunch for work into its container and my hands were covered in grated carrot. It was after 11pm, and I was already late to bed. Now was not the time for a 'moment of mindfulness'.

Tempting as it was to skip my full skincare routine, I did it anyway. I took my supplements and went to bed very tired. Only to wake up still tired. But I'm not an anomaly. I'm far from the only person feeling this way. A recent survey from Kic and Sheet Society showed that 69 per cent of people are still tired or totally exhausted when they wake up.

Of course, these days we're all well-armed with the knowledge of what we need to do in order not to feel exhausted. Set a regular bed time, eat healthy, whole foods, exercise regularly, keep screen time down, protect your work/life balance, practice mindfulness, schedule time to relax... Only, this growing list of wellness practices can actually be part of the problem.

The same survey showed 87 per cent of people have felt overwhelmed with the expectations of trying to keep up with their physical, mental, and social wellbeing. Almost as if, the more we know about 'wellness', the longer our to-do lists grow and the less achievable they are.

When I asked psychologist Bec McWilliam whether all our extra knowledge about wellness and sleep hygiene was actually contributing to better outcomes, she said it's complicated. "I think this is a difficult question as we have more information now than ever before - and so we are able to make better decisions around our sleep," she says. "We also have an increase of people feeling 'constantly stressed', having irregular routines and always feeling on'."

In honour of sleep week, which runs August 11-15, and the new Kic and Sheet Society Rest Club in the Kic app, we spoke to McWilliam on all things sleep, stress and optimising for wellness. Is the endless pursuit of self-optimisation exhausting us more than it's helping? And how can we find that healthy balance?

Do you think that people are more aware of the importance of sleep hygiene than in the past?

Yes! However, we have a long way to go. Sleep hygiene isn’t just turning off your phone at night, it is about creating a healthy sleeping pattern that we can maintain over time. People may know the “rules” of good sleep, yet struggle to implement the strategies due to stress, habits, and much more. Real change happens when we addressing deeper lifestyle demands and psychological patterns that may keep people stuck in cycles of poor sleep.

If society is more conscious of the importance of sleep, then why are so many people still struggling with their sleep hygiene?

There is definitely still a disconnect between our society’s awareness of sleep hygiene and the reality of our sleep habits. One key reason is that knowing something is important does not automatically lead to action, especially when this is a deeply embedded habit. Our modern environment can at times work against healthy sleep: screen time, high stress levels, irregular routines and a culture that still glorifies productivity over rest.

Additionally, sleep hygiene advice is often presented in general terms that do not account for everyone’s individual circumstance. Telling a nurse that works alternating day and night shifts to “switch off by 8pm” isn’t person-centred.

Do you think people on the whole are more stressed than they have been in the past?

While stress has always existed, modern stressors are more constant and layered: digital overload, economic uncertainty, climate anxiety, the blurred boundaries between work and life, and more. We are more connected than ever - however a lot of people are feeling less regulated.

What are some of the main signs and symptoms of excessive and persistent stress?

Some of the most common signs of excessive and persistent stress include fatigue, sleep disturbances, irritability, difficulty concentrating, cynicism, and a constant sense of feeling overwhelmed. Physical symptoms can also include headaches, muscle tension, racing heart and digestive issues. Emotionally, someone may feel anxious, flat or disconnected from others and themselves. Over time excessive and prolonged stress can have larger impacts such as health conditions and burnout.

In the last 10 years, there's been a huge rise in awareness of "wellness" and the wellness industry. But is the rise of wellness helping or inhibiting?

I feel like this can be almost seen as a double-edged sword. On one hand, it really has helped normalise conversations around mental, emotional and physical health. However on the other hand, misinformation can be spread as well as the oversimplification of complex psychological issues. Wellness can at times promote unrealistic ideals that may increase stress or shame when we can’t live up to them. What we need is systemic support and sustainable, evidence-based strategies.

Is the pursuit of endless self-optimisation causing more harm than good?

This isn’t just an easy yes or no answer. While growth is of course valuable, the constant pressure to be better or more productive can lead a person to feel like they are never enough. I see people that are exhausted by the pressure to work on themselves, when we also want to be promoting self-compassion, self-inquiry, rest and permission to just “be”. What we want is a balance between rest and growth, and learning what best supports our individual needs.

For those looking to engage with wellness is a healthy and sustainable way, where is a good place to start?

Self-awareness can be a healthy and sustainable place to start. Beginning this journey by tuning into your nervous system and noticing how your body responds to rest, stress, connection and disconnection. As human beings in the 21st century we tend to be less connected to ourselves and more connected to technology. We want to start by connecting back to our home base. Focusing on small, consistent practices that feel nourishing and safe: quality sleep, movement that you actually enjoy, meaningful relationships and setting boundaries around your time and energy. Start slow and stay curious.

In your opinion, what does 'wellness' actually look like in practice?

Wellness in practice looks like presence and safety. It is about creating rhythms that support our own unique nervous system, just like the practices above. True wellness is not about doing more - it is about doing what matters to you with self-compassion and awareness.

What do you think more people need to understand about sleep, stress and living in the modern world?

I believe that more people need to understand that sleep, stress and living in the modern world are deeply interconnected. We are living in a world that tends to have us in an activated sympathetic state (fight - flight - freeze response), and has us overstimulated, and always “on”. Without rest and recovery, stress can become chronic and our sleep quality and quality of life in general will decline. It is about regulating ourselves and creating space for stillness. We need to remember that rest isn’t a reward or a luxury, it is a biological need.