In the age of the internet, it seems a new self help method — one that purports to overhaul your entire life — comes across our feed almost every day. But perhaps none have cut through the noise quite like Mel Robbins' 'let them' theory.
The author, podcaster and motivational speaker first brought the concept to the world's attention via Instagram in 2023. In the original video (which has now amassed nearly 1.5 million likes), Robbins explains: "If your friends are not inviting you out to brunch this weekend, let them. If the person that you're really attracted to is not interested in a commitment, let them. If your kids do not want to get up and go to that thing this week, let them."
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In the nearly two years since, the theory has slowly gained traction, with Robbins turning her findings into a book, Let Them, published in December 2024 — a catalyst for the current 'let them' fever the internet has been collectively diagnosed with.
It sounds simple enough, so what exactly is it about the 'let them' theory that has the internet hooked? We're breaking it down, below.
What actually is the 'let them' theory?
In her first video on the concept, Robbins goes on to explain: "So much time and energy is wasted on forcing other people to match our expectations, and the truth is, if somebody [is] not showing up how you need them to show up, do not try to force them to change. Let them be themselves. Because they are revealing who they are to you. Just let them."
In other words, the 'let them' theory is all about channelling energy into controlling how you react to a situation, rather than trying to change the outcome of the situation itself. It's about releasing the need to control others and, instead, accepting people as they are. This mindset shifts the focus from frustration to personal empowerment and peace of mind.
Why is everyone obsessed with it?
At its core, the 'let them' theory speaks to a fundamental desire for freedom — emotional freedom, to be specific. By letting go of the need to change others, you free yourself from the burden of trying to control situations that are outside of your influence. This replaces resentment with acceptance, in turn, fostering a more positive mental outlook.
What makes the theory especially appealing in today’s often hyper-judgmental world is its simplicity. It invites people to stop overthinking and focus on what they can control: their own response. It’s a refreshing antidote to the constant pressure of social media, where the desire for validation and perfection can feel overwhelming.
Additionally, the 'let them' theory has proven particularly applicable to those navigating the early stages of relationships in the minefield that is modern day dating. A quick scroll on TikTok and you'll likely come across at least one video explaining how the 'let them' theory helped someone set emotional boundaries and detach from expectations — and remain positive in instances where they weren't met. As anyone with a current Hinge account will tell you, honing such a skill can be particularly freeing.
@melrobbins Let Them ghost you... 👏 If you want to learn how to stop obsessing over other's opinons of you, check out my new book, The Let Them Theory at LetThem.com or listen to the 10-hour audiobook on @Audible. 💚 #melrobbins #letthem #letthemtheory ♬ original sound - Mel Robbins
So, while the 'let them' theory may seem deceptively simple, clearly, its impact is profound. By embracing the idea of letting go of expectations and focusing on your own response, hundreds are finding a renewed sense of peace and clarity. It's a reminder that sometimes the most empowering thing we can do is to simply let others be themselves — and in turn, let ourselves be free.
